A Steak and a Little Self-loathing on a Beautiful Friday Morning

I suck.

That sums up my feelings for today. I woke up late with a migraine. My husband made my son’s lunch before he left for work, I yelled down from upstairs “Have a nice day,” before he walked out the door. For some reason, my watch (which I rely on always) was 10 minutes behind. By the time I noticed it was already 7:55, 7:45 by my watch, and my son should have been in school, sitting at his desk, starting his morning work.

I rushed him out the door. I threw on a jacket despite the unusual warm temperature of 58 degrees in February because I realized I was still wearing my pajama top. Since we were not on schedule, we got stopped behind a school bus picking up kids. I dropped my son off at 8:10. His report card, which we received yesterday, said he was late 13 times this quarter. That’s mostly because for some reason after the Winter Break I thought school started at 8:00 am and not 7:55. What is wrong with my brain?

How do other women wake up at 5 am and brew coffee, check email, social media, make their kids lunch, serve them breakfast, get dressed and coiffed and bring their children to school on time? Is it the coffee? Should I start drinking coffee is that the secret? Nah, there’s no secret. I just suck.

As I sit here, still half in PJs and half in dress pants, sipping chai, wondering if I remembered to brush my teeth this morning, my head is killing me. It’s pounding and throbbing and I just want to go lay down on the couch with the cat. Why am I even writing this today?  Wednesday is the day for sharing my story, Friday is a Foodie day, isn’t it? I suck at keeping a schedule. I suck at blogging. I suck at writing. I suck at life. The only thing I can do ok is be me.

It’s probably just the migraine talking. I should take an Excedrin and a nap and then all will be well, maybe not well, but better. It can’t be all bad. As I was sitting in the car waiting for the bus to move along earlier this morning I started voicing my thoughts aloud. You know about how other mothers seem to have their shit together, how my son deserves a better mother, one who can get him to school on time, that I’m sorry, I suck.

As my son was exiting the car he said to me: “No, mom you don’t suck. I love you.”

I love him too.

And here’s the Friday Foodie moment –

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It seems like we’ve spent the entire month of February passing a virus back and forth in this house. This weekend all 3 of us were sick and recovering. I saw this steak on sale at The Fresh Market. It was the last sale day. I already had a chicken soup I made at home. So I bought the steak. We broiled it with salt, pepper and garlic. I made onion rings, because I’ve been craving them, and a salad. Sometimes, keeping it simple is best. Have you indulged in a craving lately?


 

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