Truth be told, I don’t really feel like blogging. I’m sure it’s made no difference at all to anyone. Anyhow… Today, I forced myself to sit down in front of the laptop and just type. I stopped short of smacking myself in the face. Yet, I need it. I need some purpose, some routine back in my life.
I am suffering from my usual winter doldrums. Yeah – SAD. I just woke up from snoozing on the couch with the cat. Thing is I don’t remember falling asleep. I missed my yoga class. I’m bummed and I still feel tired.
A few weeks ago, my new doctor and I switched me from Synthroid to a Naturally Desiccated Hormone. She warned me that the dosage was most likely too low, but to take it for 8 weeks and then go to the lab and get tested again. The first two weeks I felt energized, perhaps it was a placebo effect. After those first two weeks things started to decline. I kept losing track of time, the days just slipped by me, I became distracted. I was full of thoughts and intentions but could not manifest them outside of my head. That’s about the time I stopped blogging.
To counteract it, I joined the Community Center and have been going in the mornings after I drop my son off at school. I take it easy. A five-minute warmup on the rowing machine, 5 basic calisthenic exercises and one mile on the treadmill at a slower pace. I’m doing even less than this :
https://thisobscurelife.wordpress.com/2015/12/17/wellness-wednesdays-excercise/Then I come home and enjoy a chai with a breakfast pastry.
An hour later I find myself slowing down and yawning. Last week, I ate eggs for breakfast thinking more protein might help. It didn’t. Today I woke up on the couch around 12:30. The day is half done and I haven’t got much done. In two hours, it will be time to pick up my son. I should be doing laundry. I should be meal planning. I should be calling about an account that is blocked. I should be finishing that book. I should clean the house. (I really should do that last one)
I chose to blog, to shrug off the shoulds . I have nothing in particular to blog about, but it’s anchoring me to my thoughts. It’s helping me to take a deep breath and achieve terminal velocity.
Am I depressed? I thought so. Now I’m thinking it’s hypothyroidism. I’ve also been quite bloated lately. Maybe all along, my whole life, it’s been this. My weight tends to shift from time to time, day to day, hour to hour. I never could understand how I could suffer from depression when I have a mostly optimistic view of life, well sort of?
Here are two photos of me taken within two days of each other. The first is at my friend’s wedding on 8/18/2016 and the second, on the right, was taken at a cousin’s wedding on 8/20/2016. Yes, we drove up to NYC for two wedding in one week.
I found this fact interesting in Hypothyroidism: The Unsuspected Illness, by Broda O Barnes, MD and Lawrence Galton, 1976 (p. 80):
[…] North Carolina physicians found that when, along with an antidepressant drug such as imipramine, they used tiny amounts of thyroid hormone in treatment, there was a marked difference in results. In contrast to patients using imipramine alone, some of whom failed to benefit even after several weeks of treatment, no patient receiving thyroid hormone with imipramine failed to benefit.
I thought I was depressed. I definitely suffer from SAD. With this new Law & Order – Doom & Gloom-Robocop President and his travelling circus I figured that all just made it worse. Maybe it’s just my thyroid levels. We shall see what happens in another couple of weeks (The same can probably be said of the Presidency).
Do you feel like smacking the winter doldrums away? or perhaps smacking the president? Let me know in the comments below