In the kitchen…
I’m still using Blue Apron as I blogged about here. The 2 person, 3 meals a week option is really working for us. I have it delivered on Monday rather than Sunday now and it covers dinner for Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Then we each get a day: my husband cooks Sunday, I cook Monday, one night is pizza and a movie night, and my son writes up a menu for one day which either my husband or I or both cook up. Some of the things he requested were: souvlaki, lobster and for this week: crab legs. He has expensive taste, doesn’t he? He has to provide me with a full meal that includes a Fruit, Grain, Vegetable Protein and Dairy as outlined on chooseMyPlate.gov.
This week the boy’s menu is: Crab Legs, salad, bread, apples and cheese.
As we go along I am trying to teach him about what is in season and what the cost of things are. He really has surprised me that none of his meals so far have included things like ice cream or chocolate; things which I would not object to frankly.
I love food. I love all kinds of food. I need to learn to love myself. There I said it. One day I was listening to a podcast as I cooked my Blue Apron meal and these words struck me like a cast-iron skillet in the head, to paraphrase: Why are we so hard on ourselves, we wouldn’t talk to our best friend like that, we would encourage them and try to lift them up, so why don’t we talk to ourselves like that? I have been feeling like a fraud and a failure these past few months. My anxiety has been cranking itself up and my sense of purpose has been waning. Instead of beating myself up, why won’t I be my own best friend? I’ve mentioned that voice in my head telling me; “You are not who you think you are.” Why do I need to interpret that as a failure and a fraud? Maybe it’s telling me that I can do more than I think I can, that I have to be better and more encouraging to myself.
I joined an Intuitive Eating Support Group on Facebook which provides more reasonable support than I had been getting at Weight Watchers. I have more important things to do with my time than obsess about what I am eating, figuring out how many points everything is, and what the numbers on the scale read. Since stopping weight watchers, I had been weighing myself on the Wii Fit. I even got the rest of my family to weigh-in as well. It could be a real upper or downer emotionally depending if the numbers tilted up or down. After joining the support group I consciously decided not to weigh myself any longer. It was tough at first. My husband even reminded me and I said “Nope, we are not doing that.” He didn’t question my motives and left it at that.
I am currently listening to Eating in the Light of the Moon by Anita Johnston, PHD and it’s just such a game changer. It’s time I dig deep and face some truths and enlighten myself and lift myself up. I swear I want to cry and crying is not something I easily do. It’s not just disordered eating, but I have a disordered body image. I believe a lot of us do. How much time do we women (because it is mostly women) spend on worrying over every little ounce we gain, every step we did NOT take, every bite we eat, how fat our clothes make us look and so on? That is not time well spent.
If I truly believe in the inherent worth and dignity of each and every individual; then I have to believe in myself.
On the Blogosphere…
Perhaps I am not a fraud, but I expect too much of myself. I’m always trying to pound my round peg into a square hole. I feel like a fraud because I am blogging here on wellness and what do I really know about wellness? I have a food blog and what skills do I have in the kitchen? Do you see what I am doing to myself? At first I was going to abandon this blog and never return, but realized that this is what I do. I run and hide. So instead, I will evolve. I have migrated the Share Your World challenge to this blog from my other blog (which I will dedicate to Flash Fiction only). Each Wednesday, I will answer the four questions supplied by Cee on her website as a way of opening up and sharing myself. This is not something that I easily do. Every first Friday of the month, I will post what I have been doing in my kitchen and my world and you know lots of opinions, because I am a very opinionated woman. This is how it will be, unless of course my ADDled brain forgets or changes it. Che sera, sera.
In the meantime: Eat, Drink, Be Merry and Be Well.