A Bit of Introspection

So……….. Where have I been? Nowhere. Just here. I took a bit of a detour. Doing absolutely nothing but pondering. Well that and wasting time on social media. Munching popcorn wide-eyed and mouth agape following this ridiculous three-ring circus billed as Election 2016. I think Cirque du Soleil puts on a much better show.

I became over saturated. Supersaturated with keeping a blogging schedule, trying to read all the emails that crowded my inbox, twitter feeds and Facebook posts. Reading and taking online quizzes to see what else I could do with an MA in TESOL besides teach.

I just sorted of drifted away from the blogosphere. I was busy settling in and getting the new house in order, my son situated in his new school, going home to NYC for a couple of weddings. Then I don’t know. Everything was done and there was nothing to do. I am back in the condo as I wished so there is no lawn to mow, no weeds to pull, no grass to water. There is no flooded basement to bail, or leaking roof to fix, the housework can be done right quick. Now that my husband doesn’t have to leave before the sun comes up, he gets up and makes my son’s lunch for school. We have breakfast and then walk my husband to the bus and my son to school. Then I return home to silence.

It is just me and the maintenance man here until three. Everyone has a job to get to. You would think this would give me plenty of time to blog. Eh, I’ve been descending into a spiral of depression. Feeling, as if I am a fraud. A little voice in my head keeps telling me “You are not who you think you are.” Not that smart, not that good, not a writer, not a blogger, not an expert on anything. Who am I and what can I do?

It seems I am pretty much qualified to be a Buddhist Monk. That’s about it.

I quit. It’s my m.o. The going gets tough, emotions are flying high? I get up and walk away. But I missed writing the flash fiction and reading the other blogs. So maybe it’s time to sit down and focus.

I am not who I think I am: so who am I? That’s what I aim to discover.

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