My family jokes that I remember everywhere I’ve been by what I’ve eaten. I used to be offended and would declare that it’s not true, but it kind of is, it is, isn’t it?
This week’s topic at weight watchers was: Have a Great Vacation! Strategies to balance fun and your plan – and come home happy.
Then the question was asked: Does the idea of vacation fill you with pleasure – or panic? As I listened to the answers I thought to myself: What? Really? Why am I here? And why is everyone so afraid of food?
I really am conflicted. When was the last time I followed the plan? I can’t recall. There have been a lot of renewed pledges and false starts. And I don’t really care. I don’t really care about the number on the scale or the tight clothes. I’m over it. Well, I’m almost over it. I’m just trying to learn to love myself without the guilt.
I am dealing with ADHD, Hashimoto’s, perimenopause and a great love of food here. I do the best I can, but I am not going to panic because I don’t know how many points are in the packet of salad dressing (like I would order a salad!). I’ve tried Quinoa and you know what? I hate it, so I am not going to eat it. Why should I panic because I am going on vacation, or to a wedding, or some other special event? Do I need to control every living moment of my day in order to live?
Then maybe I don’t want to live. No, really. Weight Watchers says to ask if it’s worth it when it comes to eating something. Sometimes, the answer is yes. All I want to worry about is what I am going to wear and how I will enjoy myself.
I am in the process of decluttering my life and as Marie Kondo says: if it doesn’t spark joy then toss it. The converse is also true: if it sparks joy, keep it – or eat it in this case.
What I’m asking myself is: if I disagree with what is being said in the meetings, if I don’t follow the plan, then why am I still a member? Because as I learned, you are more successful changing a habit when it’s done in a group or community, which can be as small as two. This is one of the reasons that Weight Watchers works for some people. The group gives us validation and their belief scaffolds our own with fortitude.
Yet, I don’t think this the right group for me. I am uncertain if it is the members at this meeting or if it is the program itself. I do think it’s time for a change and when I move I will discontinue my membership most likely. Hopefully, I can find a yoga or pilates studio. That is worth it to me.
I know what to do, I just don’t do it. That’s the real root of the problem. It’s time to put the money where my mouth is or whatever that saying is and learn to live in the skin I am in and be good to myself.
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