Wellness Wednesday: Winter Blues

Sigh.
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Winter hasn’t been so bad here. It’s been a rollercoaster of temperatures from 20-60 plus degrees. I just never know what to wear. There’s been a lot of rain and many cloudy days. Better than snow. Now, the weather report predicts a snowstorm heading our way this weekend. I’m going to have to run out and get snowboots for my son. I could use some too. I have the biggest problem with cold hands and cold feet.

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No matter the weather: the winter doldrums have set in. I can’t sleep at night, I can’t wake up in the morning. I am lethargic, my appetite is heavy and my interests have plummeted.

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My husband thinks if I had a job I’d feel better. Perhaps. I should. I would. I don’t know. I know I don’t want to go back to teaching. Yet, my kid is nine. I need to find my way. I fill my days with reading, writing challenges, errands and blogging.

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I am conflicted. I am confused. Why am I blogging? I’m not an expert, heck, I don’t even follow my own advice most of the time.  I’m not a cook, just someone who loves to eat. Too much.

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What I am doing is trying to find my way. I have tried so many diets, I have hated myself and held myself down for too long. Sometimes I feel like a fraud. They say fake it till you make it, but I can’t even do that. There are so many things I want to do, I want to say. I map out the goals, I make the plan, I set the intention. I fail to act.

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At this stage in my life, I just want to throw up my hands and say I am what I am.

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I am getting there, but there are setbacks. I’m embracing the concept of Wabi Sabi.

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It is so hard to keep my addled ADHD brain on track sometimes. Inside me is that ten-year old girl writing “I will practice self-control” over and over and crumbling the paper in frustration and starting all over again.

Let it go. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

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Let it be.

Maybe I need to up my Vitamin D or at least remember to take it more consistently, or get a sunlamp.

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Verilux VT10WW1 HappyLight Liberty Personal, Portable Natural Spectrum Energy Lamp available on Amazon

Or move to a warmer climate.

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Petra tou Romiou or Aphrodite’s Rock at Paphos, Cyprus. The birthplace of Aphrodite.

The sunlamp it is.

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